2014.

Jungle Park in July, Fall Out Boy in March, Halloween pre drinks, Memory Walk start line in October & sibling theatre selfie.

Hello (:

Welcome to yet another post about 2014, to join the onslaught that will be coming to a screen near you in the next few days.

2014 has been a bit of a weird year in all honesty. I started this year with my pals in possibly one of the dirtiest nightclubs in Sheffield, sickly vodka concoction in one hand, absolutely loving life. My only concern at that time was not losing one of my shoes to the sticky floor.

January, February and March were all very much the same. I spent Friday nights in said nightclub with my best friends, and suffering through weekend long hangovers. I was struggling through the last half of my NCTJ course and hating every second of it. Now, it feels like it's been much longer than a year or so ago since all of that was happening. Through all of the arguments with tutors, nervous breakdowns in the toilets, throwing shorthand notebooks across the room and public affairs nonsense, I passed everything (apart from reporting, but let's ignore that blip) and got my shiny diploma in the post in May. Go me.

Through doing the NCTJ, I've learned the hard way that I'm unfortunately not in a prime location to go off and be a journalist just like that. That's not to say I've given up altogether, I've just formed a solid back up plan that will be put into motion in 2015/2016.

In July I turned twenty-three and gave myself a massive kick up the arse. I realised that I'm not going to get anywhere if I sit around and mope. Getting angry doesn't solve anything and feeling like I've been mislead and given ill advice hasn't helped me achieve anything. It's put fire in my belly, of course it has, but it hasn't gotten me any further along in life. I don't want to bang on about how much I've learned or grown up, because I haven't, but I have made a fair few decisions to try and enhance and move life along a bit faster.

I decided I was going to start learning to drive. Better late than never, eh? I had my first lesson in September and after having a few problems with the first instructor, that was sorted with a swift change and I'm now terrorizing the streets once a week.

This year has been very up and down, from loving life at Leeds Festival in August, to having a cry in the stock room at work in June (and last week...) it's been a bit all over the place.

I don't think it's quite sunk in yet how good 2015 is going to be already. I've been told I have to make it my year and that's the goal. I want to see everything and do loads of new things, take all the opportunities and make some much needed changes.

I'm happy to see 2014 go to be honest, but I'm also very excited about what 2015 has in store.

Impatience, wanderlust & is everyone having fun without me?

University Alton Towers trip 2011, Dublin 2012, Tenerife 2014.

Hello (:

Straying away from the usual round-up post, I fancied chatting about something that's been playing on my mind on and off for a while now instead.

Last week I read this post on Hannah Gale's lifestyle blog. The first thing I thought was 'bloody hell, thank god I'm not the only person who feels like this'.

Recently I've been feeling a bit disconnected, a bit lonely, and a bit sad, if I'm honest. I don't know whether it's all the Christmas cheer being rammed down my Grinchy throat on a daily basis, or whether it's a touch of SAD as I only see an hour-ish of sunlight per day (yay for working in a windowless shopping centre) or maybe it's a combination of a lot of different things.

Christmas is supposed to be this merry, cheerful time of year, but all I can do is freak out about the future and feel sad that things and people simply aren't the same anymore. I miss my friends from uni. I miss there constantly being someone around who wanted to do something. I miss that feeling of belonging and like I truly fit in.

I have friends. But more and more lately I feel like we can't relate to one another anymore. That's where the disconnected part comes in. I worry if I offload my problems onto them they'll roll their eyes and talk about me behind my back, because how on earth could I be stressed or anxious? Surely, I have nothing to worry about?

Then there's the feeling that they purposely do things without me. Maybe that's a touch of paranoia. I worry that I'm too boring or maybe I'm not responsive enough, too quiet, not as funny as I think I am, or I'm just straight up annoying. Then the self loathing kicks in and I start on this downward spiral of hating myself for weeks on end, and avoiding my friends. Then it becomes a chore to haul myself up and out of the house to go and socialise.

When I feel like this, I get this urge to run away. Not in the stroppy teenager sense, but actually pack all my stuff up and move somewhere else and start again. I have this insane impatience and wanderlust. I want to see all these places in the world and experience all these things, but I want to do it all now. I can't wait. It has to be happening now or at least be in planning stages. I want to travel the world and often fantasize about packing a bag and just going.

I envy those who have the balls to go and do it.

One of my really good pals is planning to move to Australia at the end of 2015 to work over there. She had it in her head to go to uni and do a masters degree, but now she's got her heart set on this. She's had Skype interviews and there's talks of visas and embassies and money. And it's properly giving me a real sense of urgency and that maybe I should go now and do it all now.

Because what if, I never get to?

What if I end up stuck? Stuck in a job I despise, with friends I can't relate to, working with people I don't trust, stuck here forever.

But, at the same time, the thought of going elsewhere and starting again absolutely terrifies me. What if when I got back all my friends had moved on and forgotten about me? What if when I got back I couldn't stand to be here anymore and slipped into the downward spiral of doom and low moods once again? What if I got back and everything had changed beyond recognition?

But, all of that is happening whilst I'm still here.

What I'm saying is, I've been really up and down recently. When I'm okay I'm happy and fine and dandy and things and let go much easier. When I'm down it's really bad and everything ever is the end of the bloody world. I have my whole life ahead of me, but I feel much older than twenty-three. It's the impatience of this generation and the you can have it all now.

I'm impatient for the future, but dreading it at the same time. I've got a ridiculous sense of wanderlust, but no funds/balls to go and fulfill that. And I genuinely believe everyone's off having a party elsewhere and I didn't get invited.

I hate to be a Dolly Downer.

I just hope whatever's ahead in life is better than what's been left behind.

November In a Nutshell

Slash & Myles Kennedy, Sunday selfie, benefiting from Christmas shopping offers, A Day To Remember.

Hello (:

I'm really bad at blogging this month. November's been a bit of a crap storm in all honesty. A couple of weeks ago I was given full time hours at work. It's only on a temporary basis until Christmas, but about two days in, I'd started to regret even applying to do it. I've since regretted it even more after finding out I'll have to work Christmas Eve and New Years Eve. Joy.

But, enough about work, it's becoming an absolute pain and making me really miserable, so let's discuss the better parts of this past month.

As far as the attempt at university round two goes, I've not gotten much further. After the open day in October, I had a few leaflets and bits and pieces with information on, one included a list of nearby universities that offered degrees in occupational therapy. So, one Sunday afternoon, I got looking to see where and when open days would be, only to discover half the universities I was set to apply to don't offer the OT degree anymore. So, my choices are becoming very limited, but I've not given up just yet.

We got paid on Halloween and the week after I was running around the shops getting everyone's Christmas presents. It's not in a bid to be super organised, it's just so I didn't have to spend anymore time in the shops as was absolutely necessary. Although I'm feeling very smug about not having to queue for what feels like days on end. And as well as getting presents for my family, I also had to get a few things for myself. 3-for-2 in Boots wouldn't be right without a new mascara and nail polish.

We went to see A Day To Remember last weekend, and they were incredible, you can read my review here, this month I've also been to see Mallory Knox who were very good, and Slash and Myles Kennedy last night. I'm hoping to get a review up of that on Cultnoise next weekend.

In short, November has been really quite dull for the most part. Most of my time at the minute is taken up by working 1-10 every day. I'm doubting December will be much more exciting, but hopefully I'll have more to write about as things get a bit more festive. I'm heading to Birmingham next weekend for Clothes Show Live, so I might write a little post on that.

Until next time (:

Life U-Turn

Snowy graduation, January 2013 avec dad.

Bit of a different post today. But I thought I'd talk about the reason I decided to overhaul my blog and why in the original post I'd mentioned making a decision and documenting my life for at least the next year or so.

In the summer I had somewhat of an epiphany. I turned twenty three in July and I had a bit of a snap, shall we say? I made quite a few decisions. I decided to save up over the summer and get a good wedge of money together so I could start learning to drive. In the past, it never really mattered to me, but I know a lot of jobs would require a driving license. Most of my friends drive too, and I don't half feel guilty not being able to offer to drive when we go on day trips to Alton Towers, the seaside or even other cities for shopping trips.

I also decided, only two years after leaving university and just four months after completing my NCTJ diploma that I was considering going back to university to study for a degree in what fifteen year old Laura had originally intended to do.

At school, and I'll never forget this, I had a million and one ideas for a career. At primary school, and after seeing Disney on Ice for several years running, I wanted to be a professional ice skater. I went through all the usual phases of wanting to be a vet or work with animals. The fact that I'm really squeamish and scared of dogs ended up throwing those ideas out. In secondary school I was hell bent on being a beauty therapist or a hairdresser, so much so, that I even dragged my dad along to an open evening at one of the colleges that did those courses. It was only when speaking to one of my pals at the time, I learned about A levels and after many choice words and arguments with my mum, I decided to leave my options a bit more open and pursue those.

It was at the last minute that I stupidly changed everything. At school, we were given application forms where we listed which subjects we wanted to study then had to write a small statement as to why we'd chosen them. I'll never forget writing 'I have chosen to study biology, as I want to go to university and study physiotherapy'. I'd also chucked around occupational therapy and radiography with my mum at home, but at that time nothing was set in stone and I wasn't totally clued up on any of those subjects. It was the idea of having a good career, getting to work in a hospital without the potential gore factor that was appealing, because let's face it, I wouldn't do well in an operating theatre. But a few weeks before I was due to start college, already having had to drop one AS level due to my predicted grades not being good enough, I called them and dropped biology, opting to do graphic design instead.

Biggest mistake ever.

I changed my mind because the biology teacher we had in year eleven was anything but inspiring, he was rubbish and he didn't make me want to continue with the subject. I had started to find it hard and messed around in class instead of listening. Despite that, I still walked out of double award science with two B grades.

I coasted through college, despising every second and planning the great escape to uni. I pulled creative writing out of my arse at the very last minute, bullshitted a personal statement and got my place at the University of Derby. I'd be lying if I said 'what if' wasn't in the back of my mind, especially during the times I hated creative writing. At the end of second year I knew my heart wasn't in it anymore, but I finished the degree with a 2.2 classification and walked straight into the world of retail.

At fifteen/sixteen I thought that after university, I'd know what I wanted to do with my life. I chose creative writing because I've always written stories from being a child, I've filled endless notebooks with tales about girls my age and animals, and then we were given the task during an A Level English class to write a story with suspense build up. Our teacher read mine out to the class without revealing who wrote the story beforehand and everyone was amazed that little old me was capable of writing such a story. But after finishing uni, all I wanted to do was never write fiction ever again. So I gave up. I looked into journalism and found out a college in Sheffield did an NCTJ course, which they advertised was a sure fire way into the journalism industry.

One particularly bad month later, I had applied and had an interview. Just after we'd started the course I knew in my gut something wasn't right. But I was talked into staying on the course, and having paid almost two thousand pounds I wasn't sure I'd even be refunded, I'd finished the course with relatively good grades.

What I'd failed to realise is journalism, like creative writing, is difficult to forge a career in. 'What if' was constantly clouding my vision and I was going down the route of self loathing because I'd failed myself. I'd steered myself in the wrong direction and hated myself for it. Unfortunately, I can't build a time machine and change all the mistakes I've made in regards to my education path, but I can do a u-turn and put it right.

In the summer, I started looking at apply to university to study for a degree in either physiotherapy or occupational therapy. I'm currently leaning more towards the latter. I've been to an open day at the University of Huddersfield and had a positive chat with the head of OT there. She gave me plenty of advice on how to make my application stand out and where to find voluntary experience.

So, here we go again. University round two. I feel like I'm going backwards a little bit, but it's the only way to move forwards. I won't actually be going until 2016, and that means I won't graduate until I'm 28, which makes me feel a bit sick. But it's a chance to reset my life and forge a career for myself that I'll enjoy. It's a scary prospect going back to uni, as I didn't have a fantastic time the first time around, but hopefully I can learn from those mistakes and do a better job this time.

October Round-up

Where did October go? I can't believe it's November already, this year is flying. I've been really bad at blogging this month. If I've not been working, I've been watching Breaking Bad (which I've now finished, sob) or going out here, there and everywhere.

I had a week off work last week, which was great. I don't think I spent a day at home. October has become gig month for me. Everyone seems to head out on tours at this time of year. I went with my sister to see Kids In Glass Houses, for the final time, which was quite an emotional show all in all! Last week, I went to see Black Stone Cherry with Airbourne and Theory of a Deadman, you can read what I thought about that here. I also saw Twin Atlantic who were incredible, and on Halloween it was a double night out seeing Rock of Ages at the theatre and then Royal Blood afterwards, which was probably the sweatiest gig I've been to for a long time.

At the beginning of the month, me and my mum took part in a Memory Walk for the Alzheimer's Society. It's something that has been quite personal, as my grandma was diagnosed with it a few years ago, so we thought we'd try and raise some money for a wonderful cause. We raised a lot more than we expected, so that felt like a real success. The walk itself was really easy, and it ended up being a sunny day.

As I spent Halloween in dingy rock clubs and theatres, me and my pals celebrated a day later. We all dressed up and went on a night out. Cliche, I was a cat, complete with Claire's Accessories sequined ears, New Look 90's choker and dark purple lipstick.

I went to a university open day last week to get some more information on the course I was planning to do. I say, was, as everything's kind of been thrown up in the air. The head of the course advised me against doing a foundation year, as I already have a degree so I would be accepted onto another fairly easy. I just need to make my application stand out. So, in order to that I've got to take up some form of human biology and get plenty of voluntary/work experience in similar fields. It's all scary, and exciting and stressful all at the same time.

November is probably going to be slightly dull. There's a few gigs coming up, another university open day, but that's about it so far. I'm sure most of my time will be spent at work or looking for presents for the dreaded C-word. Hopefully I'll find more things to blog about this month and make more time for it, because I really want this to work.

Instagram weekend round up #1

 

I've been so looking forward to this past weekend for a long time. October has felt a bit like a new beginning. September was always going to be a bit of a slump. My sister moved to university a couple of weeks ago and is now living in halls, going out a few times a week and generally enjoying herself. It made me a little bit nostalgic for my time at university and I realised it's been five years since I started. Nothing like a realisation like that to make you feel well and truly old. This has also been the first year I've not been going into another year of education or at least planning to do so. This time last year I was knee deep in NCTJ homework, coursework, revision notes and shorthand outlines. Feels like it's been much longer since that started and finished!

So, this weekend has kicked off gig season for me. Between now and Christmas I've got tickets for a grand total of ten gigs, which is ridiculous but exciting at the same time. I've been going to see bands since I was about 14 (not including the pop phase of my life when it was all S Club 7, Busted, McFly etc.) and I try to go to as many as I can, which since starting my current job two years ago, has proven a bit more difficult as I work in the evenings. Fortunately, most of the shows coming up are at weekends, so my bank balance has been drained on buying tickets. 

On Saturday, I went to Manchester to meet up with my sister. We had Nandos (standard) and cocktails before making our way to Sound Control to see Blitz Kids. I've been looking forward to seeing them since I first heard The Good Youth at the beginning of the year. It was a really good night, and the best way to round off a rather dull week of just being at work. Then, yesterday, I met up with my friend for a weekly catch up over a TGI Friday's and then a little bit of shopping having just being paid on Friday. 

I'm happy September's over with. The new lot of students in town has done nothing but make me feel old, stuffy and nostalgic for uni. October also means that life is hopefully going to get a bit busier, what with all the gigs and a week off work at the end of the month, plus a university open day. I might also have something a bit more exciting to post about too.

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Blog Overhaul: New Beginnings

Hello (:

I've decided I want to do a complete overhaul of this little corner of the internet. I've run out of things to write about, in short. For a while, I was writing for another blog/website and I found I was putting all my energy into writing for that, as it was a way to get my writing out there to more readers. I thought it looked more professional in my portfolio if it was published by someone other than myself. That blog has since been abandoned, and I started writing for Cultnoise. I get to write whatever I want over there, so I've been sticking to advice-like pieces, reviews of books and eventually, when I start going to gigs again, I'll be writing about those. So, instead of writing those sorts of posts for this blog, I decided I wanted to take back my little dent in the internet and use it to document my life instead.

I turned 23 in July and since then I've made some decisions, some of which are still up in the air. The next year or so is going to be the year of deciding what I actually want to do with the rest of my life. Or as my friend said to me last month on a night out, 2015 is the year we get ourselves sorted. I finished university in 2012 and have done bugger all with my degree, it hasn't even enabled me to get a graduate job in a different field. All those 'transferable' skills have failed me and I'm at risk of becoming very bitter and jaded at such a young age.

So, hello, my name is Laura, I'm a 23 year old, creative writing graduate who stupidly jumped in to doing an NCTJ diploma without fully thinking it through. I'm the queen of knee jerk reactions. So, that is why I'm giving myself the next year to fully make a decision that will hopefully cement myself some sort of career. It's not that I want to turn my back on creative writing or journalism, it's that those haven't been the logical choices. I'm never going to stop writing, it's just less often now.

I will warn you, I'm going to post about anything and everything. If I discover something I like, I'll probably gush about it, or if I go on a day out somewhere interesting, I'll probably bang on about it and encourage anyone who stumbles over this to go. I don't lead a particularly interesting life, I go to a lot of gigs, go to TGI Friday's far too often, get drunk at weekends, and I'm still far too emotionally invested in Harry Potter. But I'm hoping I can look back in a years time and see how far I've come along and what, if anything, has changed.

I hope this won't be too much of a boring read for you. It's something I've been thinking about for a while, I just needed a kick up the arse to put it in motion.

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Ketchup Clouds

Sometimes, I get stuck in a ‘reading rut’, where I either don’t want to read anything at all, or everything I try to read doesn’t hold my attention. This happened when I left university and finished The Hunger Games trilogy. It happened again when I finished my NCTJ this year. Nothing held my attention, nothing was exciting and I’d lost my love of reading.

After being incredibly disappointed by the long slog of a ‘chick-lit’ novel, I decided to pick up Ketchup Clouds by Annabel Pitcher, once again, not expecting much. I was proved wrong and this is the book that’s dragged me out of the dreaded ‘reading rut’.

Ketchup Clouds is the story of 14/15 (it’s never specified) year old ‘Zoe’, as she is known for most of the book. The story is set out over the period of a year when Zoe starts writing to a death row inmate in Texas, Stuart Harris. Zoe was prompted to become a pen pal for a prisoner after a nun gave a talk at her school about how she was trying to get the death penalty abolished.

Zoe also has a secret. She’s committed the same crime as Stuart Harris, the only difference being, she got away with it.

The novel is set out in letters, in each one, Zoe addresses Stuart’s situation and tells him what happens in the present day, as well as telling her story in fourteen parts about the build up to what happened, what happened and the aftermath. At first I thought I wouldn’t get on with the book because of the layout. I find it difficult to get along with books that are a constant stream of exchanges, whether it’s texts, emails or letters. But, the difference with Ketchup Clouds, was that there was no exchange. Zoe has given a false name and address so she can’t receive a response. The point is to get her story out and to confide in someone.

I found Ketchup Clouds to be complex for a young adult novel. Time shifts are not often made clear with headings, dates or times, but it’s easy enough to grasp what is going on and at what time. It’s a very dark plot, death and loss are huge themes. Zoe coming to terms with what she did and how it affects her are quite far removed from an average teen’s life, but you can sympathise with her. She deals with a lot throughout the book. The prospect of her parents divorce and her younger sisters being bullied and having disabilities bring the story back to reality and I’m sure readers could relate to some aspect of the characters lives.

Some sections make you want to say ‘oh for god’s sake’, usually when the most popular boy in school, Max Morgan and the mysterious boy with brown eyes make appearances. It does have it’s moments when it could turn into a typical young adult love story, but Pitcher pulls it back around.

Pitcher’s writing style holds your attention, with decent sized chapters, the build up to Zoe’s crime will take hold of you until it’s revealed. With slight hints towards what might happen, but no certainty as to whom it happens to, it keeps the drama at an all time high.

I don’t want to give away too much about Ketchup Clouds, but it’s probably one of the best young adult novels I’ve ever read. A thoughtful, complex, dramatic tale, it’s a story that will stick with you long after you’ve read the last page.

NCTJ: a student's view

Bit of a different kind of 'comeback' post. Exams, portfolio work and work have swallowed up most of my time in the past couple of months, so I thought I'd write a post on the course that tomorrow I have now completed.

These days to get a job in journalism, a lot of newspapers, magazines, television and radio stations are asking applicants to have an NCTJ accredited course. Some university journalism degrees aren't accredited, so having a degree isn't the be all and end all with this. I decided I wanted to pursue journalism at the end of my second year at university. My heart wasn't in creative writing anymore, but with one year left at university, I carried on and completed my degree. A year after finishing university, I'd gotten a place on an NCTJ diploma course at a college in Sheffield.

This course was not what I expected at all. In a bad way and a good way, I suppose. It took a while to adjust to the intensity and the level of work that was expected. I found it difficult for weeks because most days I'd leave college and head straight to work, so I didn't have any time to practice shorthand outside of college. Whilst other people in my class were building up speed quickly, I was stuck on speeds for weeks at a time.

In the beginning, I wasn't sure I could do it. I remember having tutorials with my tutors and expressing this worry, that I wouldn't pass exams, I'd never get a decent shorthand speed, my portfolio was crap, I wouldn't actually be able to do the job at the end of it all. I'd never hidden the fact that I wanted to be a music journalist, but it wasn't massively supported, nor was it really ever truly understood by my tutors. We were very much geared towards going off to work at newspapers

In all honesty, it's been like everything else I've ever done, not very well organised. Through miscommunication, or a lack of, a lot of things were always left until the last minute, and a lot of the time we didn't get priority in the college around other classes. Classrooms were sometimes changed and one of our lessons was cut down to an hour because of a timetable clash. We all failed one of our exams due to being told it was at the wrong time.

But, a while ago, a few people told me I couldn't do this. But I have. I've sat through public affairs PowerPoints that were 40+ slides long, shouted at my laptop, ranted and rambled about why I don't care about planning permission or some other irrelevant topic, stressed over revision, cried in the toilets at college, had choice words with tutors, had a story published in the local paper, went to court twice, went to an inquest and a council meeting. I've done all these things I wouldn't have done otherwise, gained experience and have a solid idea for the sort of area I'd like to work in. So to those who told me I couldn't: I just did.

It has hands down been the most stressful twenty-two weeks of my life, and I probably wouldn't have gotten through it with any ounce of sanity had it not been for a couple of really good friends. It's not all been great, but it's not all been awful either. And last week, I found out my portfolio had gained an A grade and I grew the balls to apply for the job of a lifetime. So, at the end of it all, it has most definitely been worth it.

Lucy In The Sky

I've hardly had any time to read in the past few months. I've missed reading, so when we finished for Christmas, I charged up my Kindle and scoured Amazon for some new books.

Lucy In The Sky was one of the books I came across. One of few books by Paige Toon that I haven't gotten around to reading. I like Paige Toon's books because they're always set in exotic locations and you really get a feel for what it must be like to be there. The stories and character occupations and backgrounds are always well thought out and interesting.

Lucy In The Sky surrounds Lucy Wilson, boarding a flight to Australia to attend her old friends, Molly and Sam's wedding. Just before take off, Lucy receives a text from her long-term boyfriend, James, insinuating he's slept with someone else. A whirlwind couple of weeks in Sydney see Lucy almost forget about James, agonise over him cheating or not cheating, reconnecting with Molly and Sam and falling for Sam's younger brother, Nathan.

Just as we've settled into an easy, Australian lifestyle, Lucy has to go back to London. This was the section of the book that created a bit of a lull. It felt like Toon was trying to wade through quite a large time span with not many events happening. Lucy is off at first, trying her best to settle back in, then she throws herself into her work, toying with the idea that James is cheating, then he isn't cheating, and it's a huge emotional see-saw. Light relief comes in the form of Lucy's various friendship groups at work and her old friends from university.

There's a slight curve ball towards the end of the book, which leads to the climatic ending and the happy resolution. The ending is left open ended, but I'm not sure there's anywhere else these characters could go. The resolution is what I expected and in the end, actually wanted for the characters.

Overall, I did enjoy Lucy In The Sky. I loved the chapters set in Australia, the setting and descriptions were luxurious and beautifully written. Lucy's pining after James and Nathan can be a bit tedious in parts, but it's not all horrendous. I'd recommend it for an easy, light read, but it's not the best Paige Toon novel, Chasing Daisy is far superior.