17 thoughts we have every pay day

In honour of it being pay day for most, I thought I'd attempt a lighter post today. All the thoughts that I, and hopefully some of you, go through each and every pay day:

#1 I’M RICH! WOOOOOO! I’M RICH!

#2 Topshop boots, New Look dress, ALL the jewellery in Accessorize, YOU WILL BE MINE!

#3 I still owe my friend some money, so I won’t spend too much.

#4 I do deserve a treat though.

#5 Better do some maths.

#6 WHY OH WHY does my travel pass have to cost so much? What do I pay for? Everything is always LATE

#7 Right, so, each week I can spend that much. That’s fine, it’s fine, all good. Stop panicking.

#8 I definitely don’t get paid enough.

#9 Maybe, just maybe, I should start looking for a job with a better wage.

#10 OH GOD, MAYBE I’VE BEEN EMERGENCY TAXED?

#11 Can I even afford to go out this weekend?

#12 I’m going to empty my basket on Topshop.

#13 I’ll keep the dress though, I can wear that this weekend.

#14 Oh, look at that, the jobs I’ve found only have four hour contracts. Great. Fabulous. I’ll never have enough money to fund my lifestyle.

#15 I got paid mere hours ago, but I feel so, so, so poor.

#16 I can’t afford to go out this weekend. I really can’t.

#17 SOD IT. I'm going out. I deserve a drink. Or you know, eight.

Why I stopped taking the pill

Hello (:

I wasn't sure if I should write this as it's a bit TMI, but I think contraception has been on and off a hot topic. So I'm throwing my two pence in about my experience.

I started taking Rigevidon when I was twenty. I'd originally taken Microgynon for the first three months. When I went to the university doctors to inform them that I was fine on that particular pill, I was told Rigevidon was the same thing and that Microgynon wasn't available anymore.

So, off I went, taking these tiny white pills once a day for three weeks out of each month. I noticed when I first started taking the pill that my moods were all over the place. I was very teary, things upset me more, and I was very anxious. At the time, I didn't put any of this down to actually taking the pill. I was in my last year at university, so I thought a lot of my moods and issues were down to that.

That was in 2012. It took the majority of that year for things to start balancing out. I had a lot of personal problems going on in that year. I was dealing with leaving university and my friends behind, feeling very lonely and isolated, coping with being unemployed for a time and starting a job I despised from the start. I never thought any of my moods or the way I coped with these situations was down to taking the pill. I just took it without even thinking about it.

At the beginning of 2013 things felt more balanced and everything in my life was getting better. I made lots of new friends at work and gained a much more active social life. I was doing things without thinking about it and having a lot of fun.

In the middle of last year I started to notice my moods dipping. During the week break in my pill strip, I'd feel really low and hopeless. I never felt like hurting myself, or anyone else. I just felt down and like there was no way out of these feelings. No matter what I did or didn't do, nothing seemed to help.

I started to wonder if it was me. I was worried that I was depressed and that I needed to go to the doctors.

The longer I left it, the more I noticed a pattern. From September to December I noted that I only ever felt that way when I wasn't taking the pill, so during the week break. So, I booked a doctors appointment in December with the intent to get myself put on a different type of pill.

Before the appointment, I had a look at the leaflet you get in boxes of any and all medication. I don't usually look at these, unless it's something that I've never taken before. The leaflet said common side effects of taking Rigevidon were depression and anxiety. 

Everything clicked into place then, why I'd been feeling so low. I felt a bit annoyed about it. Why had I been told it was exactly the same as Microgynon? Each check up I'd been to, if it was a male doctor they'd simply write a new prescription, female doctors would try and push other forms of contraception on me, despite the fact I'd always make it clear I'm too squeamish for an injection or an implant.

I also did the one thing you're not supposed to do, I Googled. I found a student forum where other girls my age were discussing their experiences with the jump from Microgynon to Rigevidon and they all had one thing in common: they'd all suffered the same or similar side effects.

The doctor suggested I stop taking the pill altogether and a month later I feel so much better for it. I definitely react to things in a much more rational way - no more crying in the stock room at work for me! - and I feel much more positive about things. Of course, there's the odd day here and there where I feel fed up, sad or down I'm only human after all.

Have you had any negative experiences with taking the pill?

Soundtrack to My Life

Hello (:

Music is one of the main things I feel truly passionate about. I've always loved it and I've been going to gigs since I was 14. Unfortunately I'm not a YouTube whiz, nor do I own any filming equipment, so I couldn't make this into a video like Zoe and Lily did, but hopefully this post will be interesting enough!

Song you listen to when you're happy
There are so many, but I'm gonna choose Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N Roses. It's just one of those really great songs that doesn't need explaining. Whenever it comes on in a club, everyone sings along and of the two times I've seen Slash play this live, everyone goes mental. No matter where you hear this song, everyone around is fully involved and into it.

Song you listen to when you're sad 
When I'm sad I usually listen to songs that will make it worse for a bit! All Ends Well by Alter Bridge is a bit of a sad song, with an underlying positive message. It's a big ballad and the verses sound sad, a bit down, then the chorus comes in and everything feels a bit more hopeful. It's half sad, half happy, but I think it's good to get you out of a bad mood or a rut.

What song will you have at your wedding?
I'm not sure I'll ever get married! I can't picture it. I've found this one so, so difficult. If I had to choose I'd probably pick If It Means A Lot To You by A Day To Remember. It sounds terribly bland, but I think it's a nice song, it's it's a bit lovey dovey in places, and everything sounds more romantic when played acoustically. 

What song do you dance around the house to? 
I'm one of those people that will dance to most things, but at the minute I've got to go with the obvious choice of Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars, even if it's just trying to copy Bruno Mars' moves in the video!

Song you play on your headphones when out and about?
I never wear headphones when I'm out. My hearing isn't great, and it goes through me a bit when you can hear other people's music on the bus really clearly. So, I don't really have an answer for this I'm afraid!

Song you listen to when you're angry
So, so many. I'm gonna go for Spit It Out by Slipknot. It's probably another obvious choice to go for Slipknot. It's one of those songs I'd skip to just to feel a bit less angry, because not much can be angrier than Corey Taylor sounds when screaming this.

Song you'd have at your funeral
In the same way I found it difficult to choose a wedding song, I've found it harder to choose a funeral song. I'd probably go for Victory Line by Lonely The Brave. It's very gloomy sounding, with a touch of nostalgia. Whenever I hear it, I often stop and just think about things, whether it's past memories or thinking of things that are happening in the present, it's one of those songs that has the ability to really take hold of you.

Song that makes you lose your shit at a party
Anything by Fall Out Boy. I've been known to run to the dance floor by myself in clubs when I hear the into to Sugar We're Goin Down.

The last song you listened to
Animalize by Airbourne

Your karaoke song
I think this is the only question that didn't require that much thought. I've chosen Night Train by Guns N Roses. Not that I could sing it very well, but I think it's a really good, upbeat, party song. It kind of reminds me of university a bit as well, as when we were going out, me and my friends would refer to getting drunk as 'getting on the night train'.

What song do you work out/exercise to?
When I do my very short, very simple work out, I usually whack my iPod on shuffle, then skip at least twenty songs. I opt for pop-punk songs over everything else to exercise to. So, I'll choose Growing Pains by Neck Deep. Anything poppy, upbeat and fun is always good.

Song with the most memories attached
I'm gonna cheat and choose two. The first one is Move Along by The All American Rejects. I've loved this band since I was 14. It's kind of like Victory Line in the sense that it provokes a lot of nostalgia for me. I remember listening to this album a lot when we went on a family holiday to Cornwall, and the year before in Florida. It reminds me of my old best friend and when we went to see them in 2009, and we got stranded in Nottingham and had no choice but to get a taxi with a bunch of strangers. The second song I've chosen is Up All Night by Blink 182. This reminds me so much of university, especially the last year and afterwards. It feels like Neighborhoods was played at nearly every single pre drinks party we had.

Song that makes you cry
There are so, so many! I'm going to go with one of the most heartbreaking of them all, for me. Life Must Go On by Alter Bridge. There is so much emotion in Myles Kennedy's vocal, if I'm already upset, this song will upset me even more. I find a lot of songs about death or losing people you love to be upsetting, although this one has a positive message beneath the surface that life must go on, despite all the shit you may get dealt.

Song you hate the most 
I'm not really a big Metallica fan at all, so I've chosen one of theirs. It's One. The video is creepy as hell, the lyrics are equally as bleak and it's just really not my thing.

Your favourite song of all time
Everlong by Foo Fighters. Every version, every time. Whether it's live, acoustic, full in your face electric, it's incredible. It's probably the most cliche Foo Fighters song to choose, but it's been my favourite for years, it's beautifully nostalgic and it's one of those timeless classics that will stick with you forever. I'm so excited to finally be seeing them live this year, and hopefully, probably, they will play this!

So, there we have it, my contribution to the soundtrack to my life tag. If you decide to do it, send me a link in the comments, I love seeing how others would have chosen to answer these questions, some of them were really difficult! And definitely go and watch Zoe and Lily's videos, they'll both give you a good chuckle.

Until next time!

travel wishlist

Hello (:

Travel has been playing on my mind a lot recently. I mentioned it in a previous post how much I feel impatient and the need to go and do and see everything now. It's almost as though I feel like everything has an expiry date and it needs to be done as soon as possible. But, I know, deep down (and after a few reminders) that isn't the case and just because things aren't happening now it doesn't mean they never will. I remind myself with JK Rowling. That she didn't get Harry P published until she was in her 30's and I'm only 23, so we've got a while yet. Anyway, I'm rambling.

The purpose of this post is somewhat of a travelling wishlist, in a sense. I wanted to talk about where I want to go and why, if there is a reason, of course.

America is the obvious choice, I realise. I once had a friend who'd completely written off any and all ideas of going to America, and it really bugged me. It's difficult to write off somewhere that's so vast and so full of varying cultures, ideals and people. I think television has really influenced how I feel about going to America. As a teenager, I read all the Gossip Girl books and watched the TV programme, I think that planted the seed of going to New York. Lindsey Kelk's 'I Heart New York' reignited the NY lust when I got slightly older too, the story of Angela upping and leaving for New York made me want to do exactly the same.

America doesn't begin and end with New York. I want to do all the touristy things. Man vs Food made me want to visit Voodoo Doughnut in Portland, I want to see the Murder House from American Horror Story and the house used for Walt and Skylar's home in Breaking Bad. Los Angeles, San Francisco, Las Vegas, Washington DC. I want to see the Harry Potter part of Universal Studios.

Slightly closer to home, there's a whole lot of Europe to see too. My European travels so far mostly consist of Spain, various Spanish islands (Ibiza, Majorca, Lanzarote, Tenerife) and Bulgaria, which in all honesty, is a drunken blur. It's very cliche and obvious but I've always wanted to go to Paris. I was seething with jealousy when my dad went a couple of years ago with work. I recently read Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins and that's fueled the Paris fire further! The thing with Paris is, it's much more achievable. As are Germany, Italy, and going back to Spain to visit Barcelona properly. I've only been there for the day on a holiday to Salou when I was thirteen.

Then of course there's Prague and Budapest. And I've never been to Greece.

Even closer to home, I've never been to Scotland. Edinburgh looks beautiful in pictures. I want to go to London and do all the tourist things. I've only ever been twice, but I haven't properly seen any of it. 

Let's not forget the other side of the world. One of my friends is moving to Australia at the end of the year, if that isn't the perfect excuse to get myself out there, I don't know what is.

The point I want to make is that at the moment my head is swimming with ideas of where to go and how to get there. Unfortunately, for most of us, jobs, crappy wage packets, and various other commitments get in the way of properly being able to see the world. I envy anyone who has the balls to get up and go, because the idea of doing that sends me into mass panic.

By the end of 2015 I can tick Amsterdam and Dublin (again) off my travel bucket list, and hopefully one other place.

Where are you hoping/going to this year?

2015: goals & dreams

Happy new year!

A little late to jump on the bandwagon, I know, but here we are, another resolution style post to add to the onslaught you've all read over the past few days.

I feel like 2014 was a bit of a blur. I did a lot of things but it wasn't what I'd hoped it would be and it left a lot to the imagination on the whole. It wasn't a bad year, nothing terrible happened, but it wasn't really notable or spectacular. I'm hoping to change that in 2015.

I don't tend to make resolutions as such. I try and make changes as and when I feel the need to, no matter what time of the year it is, but I have a few goals and dreams for the next year that I thought I'd share.

Get a new job
This is the main thing I'd like to achieve in 2015. I've been working in retail for far too long now and I've worked in my current workplace since summer 2012. On the whole I've never loved my job, most of the time I've hated it and this is the year I need to change that. I need to get out and stop being so fearful of change and leaving people behind.

Pass my driving test (theory and practical)
The second biggest goal for the year is to pass my driving test. I've been doing lessons since last October and whilst I'm still quite nervous when it comes to driving I'm not completely awful at it. Of course I have some bad lessons where I stall too much or can't quite grasp something and get panicky, that's when  I think I might never actually learn, but I want to have passed both tests by the end of the year, hopefully first time too.

Take more photo's 
Not really a big goal or ambition, but when I look back on the past couple of years I've noticed there's not a great deal of photo's. Me and my friends have day trips here, there and everywhere and tons of nights out and of course we can all remember bits and pieces but it'd be nice to have more pictures to look back at, especially when I get a lot older.

Get back into writing 
Again, not exactly a big deal, but since I finished university in 2012, I find writing to be a bit of a chore. I don't mind writing for Cultnoise as I find it fairly easy, but blogging for this little corner of the internet and writing fiction are whole other stories and I feel like it's about time I eased myself back into doing it regularly.

So, there we have it! I feel like 2015 is going to be a year of big changes. I want to go on more adventures and experience more than I did in 2014. I feel like last year was a bit of a write off, of sorts. I've got loads planned already for this year, there's a ridiculous amount of gigs coming up, adventures to Amsterdam and Dublin and potential trips and festivals all in planning stages. It's all exciting, if a little terrifying too.

I hope you all had a fab start to 2015 (: