Hello (:
I thought I'd take some time to reflect on a few things. I've been having a fair few 'OHMYGOD, WHAT ON EARTH AM I DOING?' freak outs recently.
In this post, I talked about my desire to go back to university and re-train to become an occupational therapist. I have been to one university open day and done some research to find out where I could do some work experience to enhance my UCAS application.
Over Christmas, I temporarily decided to take on full time hours at work. Between doing that, and the other universities I was looking at not having open days until mid-2015, the whole thought process was placed on the back burner.
Since January came around, I've yet to make any more concrete decisions about it. I'm worried about a lot of things. It makes me feel sick that if I went to university in 2016, I'd be 28 by the time I graduated. There's nothing wrong with that age, of course, but having already done university once, I'd have spent the majority of my twenties in education. That, for me, is not what I want from what is supposedly the best years of your life.
At the same time I worry that if I don't go now, I'd lack motivation, drive and the mentality. At the moment I could still discipline myself to do work and finish it way before deadlines, and revise and have notes and cue cards prepared well in advance. I'm still aware of how I learn and take information in the best. If I leave it any later, I worry I'll have lost all of that and the already hard course will be even harder.
Then, there's the memories. The first time around at university wasn't great for me. I often felt lonely and isolated. The final year was a, for want of using a better cliche, rollercoaster of emotions. I put a lot of pressure on myself to better grades from second year and fell totally flat, graduating with a 2.2 classification. It wasn't what I wanted, anticipated or worked for and the crushing disappointment almost destroyed me.
So, with all of that, the question begs. What am I going to do with my life?
I don't know. I know I'm not the only twenty something to feel this way. I know I'm not the only person who feels lost and like I'm not living to my full potential. I often feel like I wasn't put here to simply fold up clothes and clean up after people, I need to do something more worthwhile.
I look at other bloggers, and my friends and I feel slight pangs of jealousy. An ugly emotion, I know, but we all feel it. Other bloggers go on these amazing holidays and have all these opportunities and I'd love to have just one of those things, but they have all worked their arses off for it and I think sometimes we forget that when comparing our lives to others. I look at my best friend and she's got the job she's wanted for most of her life and part of me hates her for it. But then I have to mentally slap myself and remember she's done two degrees and endless hours of voluntary work experience to get that job.
I'm not totally sure I'm ready to give up on writing and journalism yet. I've loved writing since I was really young, and I feel the need to really pursue it. For the past few months I've become quite complacent and I've only got myself to blame for that. I've expected things to fall into my lap and I do myself injustice by picturing myself doing jobs I apply for. It's cruel and it makes it worse when I get a rejection or hear nothing at all.
What this post is, is it's a kick up the arse. To anyone in the same boat as me, we need to get it together. Apply for that job you've been putting off, look into voluntary work experience to enhance applications, or even go and see a careers advisor (I'm making an appointment to do this ASAP!) just keep on doing whatever it takes to get to where you want to be.
And, if you're not totally sure where you want to be exactly is, don't hesitate to ask for advice or help.
Until next time!
No comments:
Post a Comment