Starting Over

Hello (:

This post was originally going to be a bit of an advice piece, but where I'm alright at giving advice, I'm really bad at taking my own. If someone else was to say the things I wanted to say, I'd listen and take it on board, but if it's me, my brain rejects it. So, this post might be lightly peppered with pieces of advice, but it's not a 'do and don't' list.

I started a new job last week and I found the whole ordeal to be a lot less stressful than anticipated. I haven't started a job for a good three years, I had been stuck in my previous employment for that long I thought I'd never leave. I disliked it from the very beginning and despite applying for endless jobs and having strings of interviews I never got anywhere.

I never got anywhere for various reasons.

In some interviews, I was super nervous. I remember having an interview for a local newspaper not long after finishing my NCTJ and totally effing it up because I was too nervy. It was also quite awkward because there were three men interviewing me and I never knew who to look at when I answered their questions.

In others I found they weren't as good as advertised. Casual work, evenings, weekends only, to be fully flexible, zero hour contracts or just simply not enough hours to match or better what I was already contracted to.

Last Monday, I didn't feel like I'd won the lottery. I didn't feel happy or relived to finally be in a full time job. I came home and cried in the kitchen because I didn't like it. The work was dull and wasn't what I expected. The people were clique-y and one girl even tried to get me into trouble. No one had shown me around and I had to find out where the toilets were myself. I didn't know how to print things or where on earth I could find some new staples. I cried because I missed the familiar and my friends.

The week started off pretty hellish. I cried on Tuesday morning before I had to set off and then I had to do my make up on the bus. I hated this job and I missed my friends. I'm quite a quiet person when I don't feel comfortable around people and felt incredibly patronised when one of the girls told me I had to 'talk to people to pass the time on or you're just sat there doing work'.

So, I spent my lunch times and evenings texting my pals. Because, what better way to get through it and push away the loneliness than speaking to all your favourite people?

I find it very difficult to speak to people if I've got no common ground with them. I hate it when rooms are so quiet everyone can listen in to your conversation. I open up a lot more when I feel properly comfortable around others. So, no, I'm not going to be sitting at my desk mouthing off just yet, because I know that's the wrong way to go about things. I've spoken to people about cheese and people's hand writing and how annoying it is that people always think they're right. But, I don't feel like we're friends yet.

My best pal made a very good point the weekend before I started. She told me everyone there has been in the same position as me at some point. And I'd never thought of it that way before. Since speaking to the person who's been training me, I've found out most people on my team have only been there a couple of months maximum. It's made me feel a lot less alone in this, in the sense that we're all learning, we're just all at different stages.

It's been a horrible week, I'm not going to lie, but it's over with now and we're onto the next week. It can only get easier and better from this point on.

At least I've found out which cupboard the staples are kept in.

Have you started somewhere new recently? How have you handled it?